Man. I'm in trouble. In fact, I hear I have a hit out on me. I'm in BIG trouble. It's not easy hiding out in a town of 24,000 people.
So. I get up for my swim on Friday. I didn't sleep well, so I woke up a little pissy.
Grabbed my bag and drove over to the rec center to swim.
Take the REQUIRED pre-swim shower and head into the pool room.
Our pool has a small deep end area with the diving boards and a larger area with lap lanes. On each side of the lap lanes are areas where people (usually old) walk.
I take the available lane, which happens to be near one of the "walk" areas. I start swimming 100m intervals. During one of my pit stops, I start to notice some of the old ladies rolling in for their water aerobics class. The class doesn't start for another hour, but I guess they want to get in some laps and gossip.
As I'm watching these ladies come in, I notice what I notice every time I swim. THEY ARE RULE BREAKERS! They are bone dry. They have not showered off before getting in the pool.
I admit.
It aggravates me.
It especially aggravates me because they roll in wearing their hair "done up" with make up and perfume.
WHY? You are going SWIMMING.
Anyway.
I continue laps, mumbling about them being rule breakers. A large pack of them is walking right next to my lane and IT hits me.
Or I hit "it."
The perfume slick.
Like an oil slick, but worse.
Gross, stinky old lady perfume slick.
So bad I can literally taste it!
People, I fumed. I blew up. I got mad.
So, I went ahead and started to really kick when I passed the group of old ladies. Kicking as hard as possible.
In fact, I lifted my foot a little out of the water for enhanced splashage.
So much splash, I could still see it flying in the air when I took the opposite breath.
Did this for a total of 4 laps. It was a great workout. I was actually winded from it!!
Took a break. Stood at the end of the lane and sipped on my water bottle.
Here they came. I tried not to laugh. Not look in their direction.
THEY were mad. I could see it. They were soaked, too.
A couple of them looked like the pic of the cat I posted. They all looked PO'd. Big time. They approached me quickly and angrily. Water dripping past their scowls.
I maintained my 1000 mile stare. Being a cop and former Marine helped me do this.
Then the interrogation...
Angry Old Woman #1: "Do you have to kick so hard?"
Scared TriDummy: "Ladies, I'm training. So yes, I do. I'm doing Kick Drills."
Angry Old Woman #2: "I'm SOAKING WET! Look at my hair!"
Confident TriDummy: "Ma'am, it is a pool. There are literally thousands of gallons of water in here."
Angry Old Woman #3: "I'm WET, TOO!"...as she wiped off her glasses and was fixing her hair.
Facetious TriDummy: "Ma'am. You are in a swimming pool. There always lies the possibility of becoming wet when you decide to come in here."
Angry Old Woman #2: "You don't have to kick that hard."
Prideful TriDummy: "Ma'am, I'm sorry you got wet. I have big legs, so I tend to kick hard. I'm surprised you think you can come in here and not get wet."
This whole time, the high school age life guard is rolling out of his chair laughing. The rec center director is wiping tears from her eyes, laughing out loud.
I'm holding it in, maintaining eye contact with the crowd of old ladies that is surrounding me. Smiling. Eyes darting back and forth.
I'm ready to spring into Dumb-jit-su. Only to defend myself. At any moment. Looking for the weak link of the group. Maybe with a bad hip. One I can take out quickly.
They must have sensed my power, because they mumbled and walked away.
I finished my laps and boogied back to the locker room.
Later, the rec director was warning me in her office...still laughing. She told me to watch out. These ladies might be waiting for me by my car. The whole gang of them.
Golden Girls. Or. Olden Girls. Taking me out with a paddle board.
1 Comment
MikeF
2/15/2008 12:26:46 am
Oooh...that hit a nerve. That's gotta be one one of my biggest pet peeves of late. It's not just the women. The old men come into the pool smelling of old-man cologne. I take a shower before I enter the pool even though I don't wear perfume and I've already showered after I got out of bed.
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