Editor's Note: This week we'll be featuring the writing of the Athletes and Bloggers selected as the Top Ten Best Endurance Sports Blog of 2007.
You can vote for your favorite Top Three Blogs HERE.
The following is by: Life Is Nuts
Only One Swear Word In This One. I Must Be Growing Up
In 2006, when I discovered triathlon, training and racing all summer changed my life.
And my waistband.
Which, is the only requirement I have of my training. Let's face it... I don't do this thing because deep down I'm a competitor. Please. I had enough of that in my first life.
I also don't do this thing because of the spiritual component of pushing myself to (infinity and beyond!) my limit. That would require me being in touch with my inner feelings, and since I would rather be in touch with the rear end of a Holstein with a bad case of diarrhea and hemroids... well, it's just not happening.
So, if you came to this blog for inspiration and an uplifting message about why I tri... you came to the wrong. place. You're going to need go back the way you came and take a left at the first URL you come to. Because when you found this blog, you probably passed more than one sign warning you to Turn To Jesus, For You Are Going To Hell.
You shoulda listened.
So... now you know. I tri for two reasons and two reasons only. Their names are The Mirror and My Clothes. And, yes, in 2006 I lost 20 pounds which made The Mirror and My Clothes... and, the Skinny Girl Inside Me... very happy.
And then? Then I discovered coffee. And, not just coffee. Coffeecoffeecoffee!!! With vanilla and whip cream. And an extra shot of fat. Because when I drink my coffee, I like to consume - in one drink - all of the calories that I need for the day. In one. fell. swoop.
And... there goes my waistline.
It doesn't help that I eat like I'm an 8-year-old with money. And not only that, but I'm giving said money to two gay dudes that both have a crush on Benny. This is money I should be using to make Benny fat and ugly. Instead, the fatness is going straight to my ass, as if I were spreading it on with a butter knife myself. And Benny? He's still hot on the Hot-Crazy Scale. Hot. Skinny. And the dudes at the coffeecoffeecoffee shop want him. Me? At this point, I'm just on the crazy scale. I'm just that one girl that looks like Bionic Woman... with an innertube around her waist. And who keeps ordering the tiramasu for breakfast. Crazy.
I. Hate. Everyone.
So, Benny and I know we need change our lifestyle... which is currently revolving around coffeecoffeecoffee and eating whatever the hell we want, when we want and throw in a piece of tiramasu with that, will you?
We. Have. A. Problem. Admitting it is just the first step.
The Pinky Swear is the second step.
The third step is me swallowing my pride and going back to FitDay.com. With my tail between my ridiculously flabby legs. Again. And posting what I eat on there for you all to judge. Again. Feel free to point and laugh. It'll just be like I'm in my swimsuit in the locker room. I'm used to it.
The fourth is to create a winter training plan. You'll remember, my downfall began last winter after SOMA. It took about a year for the weight to come back, but, you know... weight waits for no one. Or something like that. So, I drew up the plan tonight. I've got two months of solid base training where I'll be holding myself to the workouts required. Dammit.
On January 28th, I'll begin a 16-week training program for the St. George Triathlon. I'm doing the sprint. Because, I'm retired from endurance races, that's why. My life from now on will be sprints with maybe one or two Olympics thrown in just for giggles.
Plus, you know... endurance races make me fat.
Here's why: The training for the long stuff suuuuucckkksss. It's just too much long, slow days of running, swimming and biking. BORING. I've got the attention span of your average fruit fly, so the long stuff? Not so much for me.
And, because I knew how much the long training days were gonna suck... it was awfully easy for me to blow them off. But, the um.... eating like I am actually running 13 miles or swimming 2,500? Yea, I wasn't so much blowing THAT off.
And, now you see the vicious, vicious cycle I got myself into in 2007. Add in the coffeecoffeecoffee and you've got the fixings of one very pudgy, very disenchanted with the sport of endurance triathlon Nytro.
So, the rules for Nytro for the rest of 2007 and 2008 are this:
#1 - Coffeecoffeecoffee ONLY on the weekends. Even on the road. This may kill me, but it must be done.
#2 - Less eating out. I think I mentioned in my last post that I'm an adult. Maybe I should start acting like one. As well as acting like a wife that knows her way around a kitchen... other than just to and from the Super-Secret-Truffle-Hiding-Place.
#3 - No more truffles.
#4 - Hitting the workouts every day.
#5 - FitDay.com. Even if you all see me as a human garbage disposal. Point. Laugh. Judge.
#6 - I am now taking over all Christmas present and card responsibilities in the relationship. Benny no longer gets a say. Because when Benny gets a say, we end up having a huge "discussion" about why what he thinks is wrong, and what I think is right... and then two weeks later when we finally agree to disagree, the Christmas cards that I end up being the one to write and address and send out are piled all over the place because I don't have time for this right now, like I did 2 weeks ago... and I just get pissed and well, that's NOT what the Baby Jesus was about, was it? He would have much preferred the first Christmas card I picked out. Trust me. Oh, and the present that he said he would be in charge of unless he got in a pinch and then I would be in charge of? The DAY BEFORE THE PARTY IS NOT THE TIME TO TELL ME THAT YOU'RE IN A PINCH. Ergo, I am now in charge of all things Christmas-y in the House That Benny and Nytro built.
That last one really doesn't fit the rest of the post, but it needed to be documented somewhere so that next year I don't have to go through this crap. Again.
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